It was weird. I was fine talking with dan for the first time in a while, and I got this pain right behind my left eye. It didn’t go away after like 5 minutes and I wasn’t taking chances that a migrane would develop. So I took the drugs.
I am finding I need to make decisions at work more and more without going through anyone. I knew that was what was needed, I am after all a manager now. it is funny, since I don’t consider myself one. But I have allot to oversee now. I don’t say that to think I am so super important. On the contrary, I say that because the reality of all this responsibility settles in and I worry. Worry that I know what is going on and can do the job. More importatnly is that I will do the right thing. Trusting instincts are good, but what if your instinct is wrong. That is bad! That being said, I have to do more independently. I like it, because it tells me people trust me to do the right thing on my own. I also like having that extra advice and help from people. I guess that is me not ever having to be in this situation before. I am taking the good with the bad. It is overwhelming sometimes, and fun other times. Today for example was super stressful, but actually fun. I spent time with Keith just troubleshooting multiple problems at once.
I just hope that when push comes to shove I get the job done. It is weird. I wanted to write about this (this blog is after all for me to speak my mind), but I know their is a 50/50 chance that Gus will read this. I don’t think I mind, but it is weird knowing he could have have. So, oh great and powerful boss of mine, if you do read this just don’t ever bring it up that you did. That way ignorance is bliss for me:)
Don’t sweat it so much. Everyone makes mistakes, you will make mistakes. I make mistakes.
As a manager you are expected to take calculated risks using the best of your ability and those around you. Sometimes you will have great successes, sometimes you will fall flat on your face. Its the nature of the game. We just try to get more wins than losses and hopefully that will move things.
BTW: Your boss thinks you are doing an awesome job. He wishes he had you at some of his previous companies. (Dont ever repeat that)
I tend to worry. Just my way. That will stop after the first stroke or heart attack. That is why this blog is good. I like to get my thoughts onto paper. In this case electronic paper. I never expected anyone to read this stuff. I don’t mind, I actually thing it is cool. I am just amazed that this stuff makes sense!
And trust me I know if I do something bone headed I will be told about it. I am just a perfectionist and that can be good and bad depending on what the situation is. I can’t stand when people do stupid mistakes, so I hate it more when I do them.
In the issue on monday, we actually didn’t do anything wrong, but in thinking we did something wrong we uncovered tons of things that could go wrong. You never assume you are safe. Complacency is bad.
Of course it is good to know I worry to much. I would rather make something bigger than it is, than underestimate a problem! What can I say, I am a person of extreme’s…