So Bored!!!

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I slept like crap again last night. I can’t understand why I am so tired when I am sick and yet I cannot sleep. I also can’t understand the lack of appetite. I didn’t eat anything at all from Tuesday night till Thursday night. I then didn’t eat anything bread until this morning. I got the chicken sandwich last night and then as funny as it may sound I wasn’t hungry for it. I ate it for breakfast this morning. I also ate a slice of pizza for lunch. Don’t tell my dad since when he called to find out what I wanted for dinner he laughed at me for asking for pizza. So I had my mom bring me another chicken sandwich. I didn’t even finish that one. I am just not hungry. I would figure I would be. I am also surprised that not eating for only a few days messes up your digestive track like it does. Enough said about that!

I checked some email from my desk for the first time since this all started. My dad thought it was a good sign I also watched some TV and some movies. I spent less time in bed today. That is good. I spent it lounging in the Pier 1 chair I have. I am so bored. I cleared off the tivo of anything I will probably watch. The rest will just sit there until it gets erased, even if I think I may one day sit and watch that crap. This was that day and I didn’t touch it. I did watch the good movies and some shows I watch done.

I am now back in bed with the powerbook. This time with pillows propping me up. Man this is probably very bad for my back. I do like it to write though! I stopped writing the blog’s right into Kun-Log (the offline blog tool I use for Mac OS-X). I am writing the blog in word and then pasting it into Kun-Log. The position I am in the font’s in Kun-Log are too small. In word I can pump the display up to 500% normal. I do have bad eye sight so it helps. Right now I have it at 300% normal on the PowerBooks 12” display.

It is just after 10PM in NYC and I am bored. I can’t go out. I am tired but sleep won’t come, yet again. I hope I get a normal night sleep tonight. I was told I could take a Nyquil last night but I didn’t. I thought about it. I had one out at 2AM but I didn’t take it. I wanted to get on normal sleeping habits. Well without the drugs I didn’t get onto one yet. Lets hope tonight is different.

When you were a kid did you ever look forward to a sick day, or a snow day? Just a change of pace? I used to. Now that I am older and working I look at things a bit differently. Staying home sick is boring. I have been cooped up since Wednesday. Granted I have been in no condition to do anything, but that is half of it. Now that I am feeling a bit better I want to get out and do SOMETHING, anything. The problem is the medical people who are so helpful when you are sick are also a pain in the ass. My dad is “suggesting” I stay in another day. His suggestion’s are usually do this or you are stupid. I am feeling a bit better today. So I wonder why I can’t do anything tomorrow. The answer is that the body needs time to fix itself. I am listening since I don’t want this to come back again. Twice for me is more than enough. I am so bored I will probably remote in from home. I got permission to do that, but I was told to “take it easy”. I know he means well. I am not off the hook with doctors anyway. My doctor wants to see me, and he wants me to speak to a headache specialist again. I may not have been in contact with my doctor, but since he is friends with my dad he has been in constant contact with him this week. It is nice having people in the family that can do stuff like that.

I don’t mind going to see my doctor. Tony is cool. He is my dad’s doc, and I just hop on the 4 or 5 train by his office and I can be at work no later than like 10:30. The headache guy is another story. I went to him once like 2 years ago. I stopped going since I left one health insurance company and went to another when I started full time work at my current company. At the time they had a bad company that he didn’t take. Now we are on a different plan and he takes it, so I can go see him. The problem is the first time I went he sent me for an CAT scan. Never fun. It was my second “head shot”. I had one when I was like 11. they found nothing. That is good. The headache guy wanted to put me on some heavy duty preventative medication. He told me the side effects of them and I said no way. The compromise was the Nadolol that I am on now. The next time I go see this guy I am taking my dad with me. All of my dad’s medical friends including Tony think this is the best guy around for headache’s. at least if he is going to want to put me on powerful drugs I can have my dad around telling him he is on crack or something.

Ok enough depressing crap. Most people don’t want to read about my medical issues. And the truth be told is this blog is more for me than anyone else. But I don’t want to turn off the 3-5 readers I do have. I am just bored and writing like this is good. I like doing it. I just write what I am thinking about. Right now it is how I want to be better and doing something else, anything else than what I am doing now.

Written while listening to Pink, Just Like A Pill…

Real Food Is Here

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So my dad just dropped the chicken sandwich off. Being hungry all day and now I get real food and I don’t want to eat. It is probably because of the bread I had an hour ago. One thing about doing nothing and puking allot is that you don’t want to eat much.

I got scolded about typing. My dad said I shouldn’t be looking at the computer screen. Then I showed him how I was doing it in bed without looking he laughed. Every time I tell him I can type without looking at my hands he gets a kick out of it. Then I seems to forget that skill I have had since the 5th grade. He always wonders how I know I am typing the correct thing if I don’t look at my hands while doing it? Try telling him spell check and looking at the screen does wonders.

He was happy about how I looked and sounded. That was the good news. He also didn’t care that I was still really tired. He said that I should rest. That is the body’s way of fixing things. He says that by being tired I am not fully recovered. And then I got the lecture on that is what I did last week when I was sick. I went out too soon. I personally don’t think I did, but I cannot argue with results. Me being sick again is the result I am talking about.

I at least was given permission to take something to help me sleep tonight. This is the first medication I have had since Wednesday morning. We have been afraid I couldn’t keep anything down.

I am going to try and watch a bit of tv and then try for sleep again. More later.

Sleep Wont Come

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I am lying here (since Wednesday) and I just cannot sleep. Have you ever been tired all the time but you can’t sleep? I am lying on my back with my knees raised holding my powerbook because if I sat up to write my head would start to get dizzy probably after 5 minutes. That is the length of time I am good standing upright. I just came back from getting a role, and some lemonade. I cant stand the Gatorade I have been forced to drink so I switched to lemonade. By now I am told that is fine with my system.

So what exactly happened you might ask? Well Wednesday morning I thought I was fine. Tuesday I had a bit of a headache and went to bed early but that happens every so often. It all started about an hour before a meeting I was going to have with our phone integrator’s. I started getting the sign’s of a MIGRANE. I thought ok, I just dealt with a major network problem and I didn’t sleep that well the night before (due to the last headache) so lets medicate what appeared to be a migraine coming on. So I took some zomig. It was too late by then. I took it too late. I got back to my desk and within 15 minutes I started feeling the headache come on full strength. I called Gus and told him that I was missing the meeting and then never left my desk.

First I put my head down and just tried to remain very still. That didn’t work. The next section of this blog will get graphic in the detailed bodily function type of way. If you don’t stand for that sort of thing skip to another entry). The lying still didn’t do anything. I started getting really dizzy and got an upset stomach. A little while later I threw up for the first time. I don’t know how long it was from when everything started to the time I puked but it felt like forever. The thing is I thought I was going to puke for a while. I wished I didn’t because the act of throwing up is not a pleasant one. On the other hand I also wanted it to happen in the hopes of feeling a little better after it was done. Well I did feel a bit better, but not much. I remember feeling very numb. I also remember sweating allot. I lied with my head down for what felt like hours (but it wasn’t) and threw up a few more times. By then I had someone (I think Keith) get my sweatshirt and I used that to put my head on. Then I just got onto the floor and lied on the sweatshirt. By then I knew I was living through a major migraine breakout. Now I get migraine headaches. But with preventative medication and the stuff I take when I feel one coming on I don’t normally get a full on migraine. If I do I usually get fair warning signs and am able to get home in time. This one came on so fast that I had no time to get anywhere. The medication also had no effect.

By this time everyone seemed to be getting worried. Gus wanted to know if there was anything to do? Cari who also gets them wanted to help. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t think I was going to make it home and that was the logical place to go. I called my dad from the floor of my office. I was calm until I got him on the phone. Then I just broke down and cried. I didn’t know what to do and I was in so much pain. He told me to go home and try to rest. That was the only thing he would have told me then. He told me later that he was very worried and was almost ready to have me come to the Montie ER. Gus wanted to send me to the ER. I just wanted to sleep. I asked cari to call a car service and I hoped I would make it home without puking again.

I physically could not get up when the time came to get the car. I got to my knee’s and went back down again I think. I also think I puked again. By this time it was just bile and dry heaving. The worst king of puking. Cari helped me to the car and I don’t know how I made it home. I just had the wind blowing on my face and felt numb the whole time. I made it to my apartment complex before I puked again. Thankfully car provided a bag in the chance that I had a problem. I puked in the car for a while and then in the elevator. Some old women wanted to know if I was ok. She did this while holding the door open on her floor. I was telling her I was fine while I was thinking get out of the way lady and let me get to my floor so I can lie down. I know she meant well, but lets keep the sick guy waiting.

I honestly don’t know how I made it home. I got to my apartment and threw up one more time before collapsing on my bed. I must of finally been able to fall asleep because the next thing I know it was 5PM or so. I actually felt a bit better. That looking back was the calm before the storm. At the time I thought it was a migraine and that was all. Exactly what happened last week. History was painfully repeating itself. The next morning at 2 am I was sadly mistaken. I still felt sick. I actually felt worse than I did at 5PM the night before. I couldn’t eat, my head was killing me.

I called my dad. He said it was most likely still the flu, and that I probably didn’t get it out of my system from the week before and it came back to get me. That was probably what caused the migraine. He also later told me that relapses are worse. And he was correct. I spent the entire day Thursday and Friday morning in agony. I couldn’t eat all day Thursday. I drank a little Gatorade my dad brought me. I tried some toast, but I was in too much pain. By Friday at like 1AM I felt a bit better and ate more toast. I felt crappy again at 9AM but according to my dad sounded allot better. That as the breaking point. I if didn’t improve I would have been taken to the hospital and put on an IV. I hadn’t ate anything that I kept down since Tuesday.

By mid Friday I got enough strength to get my powerbook out of my bag and plug it in next to my bed. I listened to music most of Friday. I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t. either it made the time pass or I fell asleep because the day went faster. I was also in allot less pain.

Dad brought more Gatorade and toast Friday afternoon and hung out again. He came Thursday for a while but I don’t remember much of the visit. Friday I sat on the floor and actually talked and ate for a little while before getting dizzy again. For someone who was so tired I could not sleep. Thursday or Friday night sleep was difficult. I tossed and turned from 2AM Saturday till 9AM when I couldn’t sleep anymore. I tried some TV. I was able to do that till like 11AM. Then I had to lie down again. I am still so dam tired. I listened to more music this afternoon, but the elusive sleep didn’t come. It almost did I think, but I got a phone call. I never could get in that relaxed position again.

My Mom and Dad just called they are coming over with some dinner for me. I have been on bread only since Tuesday and I want real food. They are bringing me grilled chicken with nothing on it. I am told no BBQ sauce or anything since I don’t want to upset my stomach again. If that works out, I can try normal food tomorrow. I am eager to get normal food again. I think not eating anything but bread is keeping me weak. My dad say’s it may be we need to take it slow. I stopped drinking the Gatorade and switched to lemonade. I cannot stand Gatorade. It just doesn’t taste right. My dad likes it because he says it is flavored IV solution. It is also probably what kept me out of the hospital. I am told I was about 3-6 hours away from going there. At the time I didn’t care about going to the hospital. I was more worried how I was going to survive the trip? Moving at all hurt.

It is now Saturday evening and I am still tired. Dinner should arrive any second. My parents just called. I just refilled the lemonade squirt bottle I have by my bed. Still sleep eludes me.

My dad says I should take it easy this weekend. Like I would be able to do anything else? He says I should play it by ear about going to work Monday. As of now he is saying not to go. He wants me 100% before I go back. I agree but I don’t know if I can miss another day. I have the vacation time. That is not the problem. I just have allot going on. Maybe I will work from home. I will see how I feel Sunday night I guess.

Through all of this I missed Morgan coming to visit my parents 2 days in a row. I also missed out on babysitting for her. Man that kid is growing up. My sister took her to a pumpkin patch today. I hope to get pictures. That will be cute.

That’s it for now. More later when I can sit up and do this. My neck is starting to hurt propped up on these pillows.

New Support Schedule

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Today we are trying out a new support schedule for the Kingston Call Center. We are going to have a support guy onsite from when they open at 8AM to 8PM. Hopefully it will help in keeping things running normally. The change has been a long time coming but we finally have the people in place to do it. The next step is full coverage, but that may be a way’s off since you need more than 2 shifts to cover 16 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Other Projects

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Other things I am trying to work on are… I just downloaded Connectix (now Microsoft’s) Virtual PC for Windows. I want to see if it is better than VMWare. It was up on MSDN so I decided to give it a try. I also grabbed the beta for SMS 2003. Gets me wondering when they will release it since 2003 is almost up.

My exchange project is not dead yet, but I have no time to do anything on it, so it sits idle. I am also looking at the new Microsoft Chat Server. We currently use a Jabber server from Tipic. I actually like it allot and it was very cheap. I want to see how the Microsoft one measures up.

Besides projects to evaluate new software I am also working on tons of other stuff. I am scheduling an update to our email ticketing system called Mailflow. We currently use version 1.0 and are getting a free upgrade to 2.0. I am attempting to deploy it next week. It is from a company called Visnetic. They make some neat pieces of software.

To conserve bandwidth we are about to start blocking most outbound network ports from our firewall. That will make me a popular guy with the rest of the company! Also we are ordering a private line T-1 between our two offices so we can send VOIP calls between them in greater number than we can over the internet T-1’s we have.

Still Not Feeling A 100%

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I still don’t feel 100% better. I got a MIGRAINE yesterday. I took 2 butabitol’s and I felt better for a while but ended up leaving a little early (5:30PM) and didn’t do much when I got home.

This morning I still don’t feel my normal self. I am tired. I am having trouble sleeping. I think it is stress and weaning off the Tylenol PM.

I am going to try and take it easy today, but that never happens when I am at work. I wanted to be in Kingston today. My company is having its quarterly board meeting up there today. I wanted to make sure everything was perfect. As luck would have it I have an important meeting today at 11AM with our phone system integrator, and the maker of the software we use. We are going to discuss the issues we are having. Thankfully we have no “show stopper” problems but certain things could be better.

I am kind of glad I didn’t have to go today. Like I said I am still not feeling a 100%.

Blogs Are A Fad, Or Not

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I recently read somewhere that someone did a study of blogs. They said that most are not update often and the vast majority don’t last very long. It was an interesting read. As with anything people do, you have the eager beginning, then a slow tapering off of doing something. That is true if you don’t find the task interesting. Take exercising for instance. I started to do different routines for months. I would do it for a while and then slowly stop. I just wasn’t into it. People try blogging out and then they decide hey I don’t want to publish my thoughts for all to see. I for one used to write a journal. I think I started when I went cross country in 1989. I wanted to log what I did and where we went. Then I wrote on and off again into an online journal I made in Microsoft Word starting back in 1994 or 95. I did it some what frequently and then stopped. At the beginning of this year I started thinking about breaking out the old journal and start writing again. To me writing like this is very relaxing. I get to ponder what happened over the past several days, and type things out. I don’t think that much about writing, I just write what comes to mind. When Gus brought to light the whole blogging trend, I decided to give it a try. More than 7 months later I am still making several entries a week. For me the fad is still fresh. Some days I don’t enter anything at all. Other days I have made 5 or 6 entries.

So is the “study” correct about blogging? Probably, and probably not. You can make a study that says anything. Statistics never lie, but statistics can be analyzed in ways to totally screw up the results. Lets face it, somewhere there are studies that say smoking is good for you!!! My random thoughts for the day…

Off To Make Dinner

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I finally got my appetite back from being sick. I defrosted a steak (filet of course) and am warming up the George Forman Grill. From meat to a cooked steak in 3-4 minutes, but I want it now:)

Written while listening to REM, The Great Beyond…

Old Gear & New Gear

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I just got a new server in. We are building a Data Warehouse running on SQL 2000. We built one to demo and everyone liked it we have been using it for 4 months on a desktop with allot of hard drive space. The “server” finally showed its desktop limitations, so we are upgrading it to a Dual Xeon 2.4 Ghz server. We are doing IDE RAID, and threw in 2 gigs of ram. For just around 2K it is a nice little box. If you don’t need SCSI you can get server gear cheap now a days. Our dumb-ass vendor forgot to ship us a CD-ROM / Floppy Drive so I have the box open on the floor of my office with a desktop CD Drive and Floppy drive plugged in trying to get Windows 2000 installed. We have been buying Windows 2003 Server since it came out, but for most applications we are just downgrading to Windows 2000 Server. So far today I had no luck getting the OS to install. I think the USB floppy drive I used wasn’t working correctly. I need to cannibalize a floppy drive or buy one for $12 or whatever they are going for these days.

We have some older desktops that we were using as Red Hat web servers that we consolidated to one box. That means I have 2 box’s to use for testing and such. I am trying to demo Exchange 2003 on one and put Windows NT 4.0 Terminal Server Edition on the other. Terminal server will not boot off the dam CD from MSDN. The boot disks we have for it wont work either. I am continuing to work on that. I may give up on NT 4.0 and try 2000 server in application mode. I don’t need it for more than 30 days so I should have no problem with the demo mode it makes you use if you don’t have a key code.

As for Exchange 2003, we are looking to see if it is something we may want to move to. For maybe just the Technology department or for the company as a whole. Howard said good things about Outlook 2003 over HTTP. He said it was fast. I am going to look at how Idealab! did their deployment and maybe segment some users onto Exchange for a trial. Not sure yet.

I Spoke Too Soon!

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I was feeling better. I tried to stay in and rest this weekend. It wasn’t that difficult. My body would not let me do much else. I caught up on some email and watched some TV yesterday. I also got to chat with my friend sean on MSN for a while. I haven’t spoken to him in a while so it was good to catch up. By the time I wanted to go out and get some dinner I could not sit up straight without getting dizzy or nauseous. I ended up going to bed like 8PM. It was that or be in lots of pain.

Because I went to bed so early I got up at 8:30AM this morning. Still felt tired, but couldn’t sleep. I got some work done before 10AM. The call center I support opens at that time on Sunday’s so it was good to get some maintenance work done.

I went over to my Dad’s to get something and to fix his palm. he couldn’t sync. I couldn’t fix it. My head wasn’t in problem solving today. I got to see Morgan. he was watching her for the afternoon. It is funny to see him on the floor playing with a 7 month old. She is still so cute. Every time I see her I can’t help but smile!!!

The walk over to my parents place took allot out of me. It isn’t even a long walk, I am still not fully recovered. That walk proved it. I went home and took an nap for 3 hours.

I just ordered in dinner since I am not trekking out anywhere today. I just hope I am up for work tomorrow. I just need to get through a full day. I don’t know how I am going to make it to Kingston tuesday. I am seriously thinking about not going or sending Keith up there. I am just tired. Monday will be the test to see if I can do it.