Personal

Self Fulfilling Prophecies

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I was all set to go to Baltimore & DC this weekend with a bunch of friends. That was until I got up this morning. Well it wasn’t really getting up. My alarm went off, but since I wasn’t able to sleep it doesn’t count as getting up. that was the problem. I haven’t been able to sleep allot recently. As a bit of background information I get migraine headaches. I usually get them from eye strain or lack of sleep. That brings me to this morning and me not sleeping. I got out of bed and I already had a head ache. That happens sometimes, so I decided to go through my normal routine. A shower and something to drink usually can clear my head enough that I am fine. Well today it didn’t. This caused me a dilemma. Do I try to take some medication and hope for the best on a 4 hour car drive away from home, or do I cancel my plans? Waking up feeling like a full blown migraine is about to start does not set the stage for a perfect day. A long car drive and then sitting in the sun at a baseball game also is not the perfect situation for a migraine. I decided to not go on my trip. I was too worried to take the chance, and be that far from home with an impending migraine on my hands.

The scenario I just pictured happened today, but it is also part of one of my worst fears. To be away from home, or not able to stop and rest and handle a full blown migraine is a fear that I live with. Whenever make plans I worry that something like that will happen. Was this time a self fulfilling prophecy? I don’t think so, but it gets me wondering. I have lived through this fear before, so to me it is very real. When given the chance I won’t (and didn’t) take the risk of venturing out when I was not feeling 100%. It pisses me off. It probably pisses my friends off also, but I need to take care of myself.

Instead of venturing off to DC, I crawled back into bed and waited for what felt like (and probably was) hours till sleep came to me. I originally got up around 5:30AM. I crawled back to bed around 6:30. I don’t know when I actually slept. I just remember I got out of bed and got dressed probably around 3PM today. I didn’t venture outside until 4PM or so. I went on some quick errands and headed home. I was tired after that.

Now of course I am wide awake. It feels like my entire sleep schedule is reversed. I can’t sleep at night, but I am so tired during the day. When I called to tell Jayson I was bailing out of the trip he said I should take something to help me sleep. I only do that when I have a cold. I don’t want to get used to or addicted on some sleeping aide. But tonight I might take the plunge and try something. I just want a good night sleep. My dad will attribute the lack of sleep to stress. I tell him, yeah so. I need to find a way to deal with work stress better. It is the only thing that I can think of that is causing this.

On the bright side because of the extra nap I eked out this morning the full migraine I was afraid of never came to pass. Would it have happened if I had gone on the trip? My personal history tells me tha there was a good chance. Am I upset I missed the fun? Of course I am. Will I get shit from everyone from bailing out? Of course. I already got a voice mail from Gus, and 3 SMS messages from people. All I can say is what I said to Dari, “I don’t wish this on anyone”.

I am going to write a bit more, and then I will try sleeping again…

Day In The Park

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Today I walked around Central Park with Amanda & Rich. We originally went out foraging for food. We found a nice burger place on 86th & Lex that has mini hamburgers. It was good. We then walked to the park. We saw the big lake. We walked on the jogging path. We even hung out near the botanical gardens.

The weather was nice, so it wasn’t so bad being out doors. We hung out in the shade and it was breezy. It was a perfect day. The park is always nice on a weekend (holiday). The garden was cool. I live less than a mile from it, and I had no clue it was there. Amanda is good at finding cool places.

On the walk back to my place we hit the Museum of NYC. We checked out the gift shop. We didn’t see any exhibits. We didn’t want to pay, and we were already tired from walking all over. Also on the way back I saw where the Metro North trains come aboveground on Park Ave. it is cool watching the trains go by.

I am glad I put my sneakers on because my feet would really be hurting right now if I did all that walking in my Doc Martins. We finished off the afternoon by just hanging by my place. Amanda needs to come out and visit again when she has a day to kill. I am going to have her help me decorate my place.

Now the work week begins soon:( I liked my 4 days off. I don’t want to work again.

Scanned My Life Today

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I took this long holiday weekend and did something productive. Well actually I took 3 hours or so of it and scanned a whole bunch of old documents. My office just bought 2 high speed scanners that have document feeders. I plugged on into my laptop and just dropped 40 pages at a time in the feeder and scanned. it even does double sided papers. Jayson gave me the idea a few weeks ago. I finally had time to do allot of my stuff.

I scanned almost all my old bills and statements. I like to do that. I want everything electronic. I scanned a bunch of old report cards and other crap I had left over my parents saved from my pre college days. I even scanned a bunch of really old medical records, letters, and stuff from elementary school. it was kind of cool going through this old stuff. I maybe scanned 500 pieces of paper today. I have a big stack of scanned stuff locked in a drawer at work. If all the documents are backed up I will begin to shred the originals.

Now all I need to do is make a DVD backup everything and the job will be complete. I should begin to do this every few months so I don’t have extra papers lying around. My goal is to have everything electronically stored. It saves space. And is easier to search.

This entry was written while listening to Right Now from the album Live Volume 2 by Van Halen

Online Dating

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So I have been told by several people to try “online dating”. I have setup profile’s on at least two popular dating sites last year, and didn’t do very much with them. At the time I didn’t have to. I got setup with my ex-girlfriend so I didn’t need to go online. Well I said I got setup with ex, I am currently single. I have no more excuses not to go out and find someone. Except the online searching for a girlfriend freaks me out. I know it is totally cool and all, but I just can’t get over how weird I originally thought the concept was. of course I first heard about online dating in the mid 90’s when it was weird. not it is the thing to do.

I checked out Match.com again today. My friend Cynde really pushed me to checking it out. they have really evolved their site. They actually ask some really personal questions, but I assume it helps.

I am going to spend some time cleaning up and updating my online profile. I need to get over my reservations and do it…

A Sad Fish Day

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Jayson called me while I was out. He told me the bad news. Carl our angel fish didn’t make it. Foul play is not ruled out. Krusty has now survived 2 other fish. We are beginning to investigate. We may partially responsible. We have tropical fish but no heater. Jayson noticed the dead fish when he returned from the store with our new heater.

Carl wasn’t with us long enough to get a photo of him. Bye bye little guy… This is why we shouldn’t name fish until they live in the tank for like 2 weeks. That way we don’t waste good names on dead fish.

Enough mourning. Where is Carl II?

So Far I am Successful

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I have been able to avoid work for most of the day! I got up at noon (NICE!!!). I unplugged my pager, and shut off my cell phone to ensure a good sleep. I forgot to turn off my alarm, so I got up at 7:30. Turned off the alarm and went back to bed. It felt good. I had lunch. Got my fresh direct order. I watched TV. I pretty much did nothing. And I am enjoying every minute of it.

I am about to go out and walk to Best Buy (love manhattan), and maybe hit the Cold Stone Creamery on the way back. That place rocks…

Tonight I may have a drinking engagement. I love vacation weekends!

New Fish

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Wednesday we added to our fish tank at work. It set me back a pretty penny, but the tank is looking good. Jayson got like 7 pounds of the living rock. I got a bicolor angel fish. We named him Carl to go along with our Simpson’s naming convention. So far Carl is shy and hides under the filter. Jayson is going to get a heater since the water is probably too cold for the tropical fish we have.

My luck we get into a hobby/pet that costs so much money. I will take photos of the fish when I get back to the office on Tuesday. We are also working on a FishCam since we have a web cam at work. No eta on that.

I just find it funny that I am doing google searches on angel fish care.

This entry was written while listening to Kryptonite from the album The Better Life by Three Doors Down

Another Sleepless Night?

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It is 11PM and I am not tired yet. I am not going to work so I don’t have to worry about getting up early. I just wish I can have normal sleeping habits again. Now I am just bored. I watched a bunch of stuff on my Tivo. I have checked my email. I even ordered Freshdirect for tomorrow.

This entry was written while listening to Are You Happy Now from the album Hotel Paper by Michelle Branch

I Cannot Sleep

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I am not able to sleep. I am going to try and lie down in a few minutes. I know I won’t be able to get up for work on time if I don’t get some sleep soon. I hate not being able to sleep. I have been having issues for the past week and half or more.

Must try….

Comedy Club Night

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We saw Heath perform at the Inprov NY comedy club tonight. I have never seen his act before. I lived in queens and never wanted to stay in the city so late to see the act. I was missing out. He was very funny. A bit raunchy, but it was very funny. Since it was allot of up and coming comedian’s some (half or more) weren’t that good. The others like Heath were very funny. Was it worth the money I spent? Probiby, since we all had a good time. Next comedy club we hit is Dangerfields.

Earlier in the day I headed out to Macy’s in Herald Square. I needed to get some shopping done. I wanted to go before the RNC convention starts Monday. I am avoiding that area all week. Got some work clothes and some hanging out stuff.

I am hearing that Union Square will be the protest central next week. That is good news for the RNC in Madison Square Garden, but not good for me who works right by Union Square. We don’t know how bad it will be, but I heard 250,000 people protesting down there. I have been to Union Square countless times, and I don’t know where they are putting a quarter million people. it is a big place, but I don’t think it is that big. If it is bad monday, I am working from home tuesday.

I have to go pack for the Company picnic tomorrow…