I am getting to a point where I don’t know what to do about certain stuff anymore. I keep asking for help. Even though I am told the requests are not falling on deaf ears, it feels that way. Things miss target dates, people are not happy. Non important issues slip, and I am told not to worry, then people complain and it becomes the biggest thing in the universe, or that is the way it feels at the time.
Problems pile up. The solution, or so I am told is to let them pile up, and then we can make a case for help. To me when help finally comes, it will be way too late. We are supposed to be proactive, but I can barely get emergencies out of the way now a days. I am in a word, frustrated. I had to stop and think about writing this entry. I stop and think about allot of entries, but I know people I work for, work with, and work for me all read this. I decided I don’t care. I am writing what I feel. If I am wrong, that is fine. But for now I feel frustrated, and unable to make any dent in the problem.
A problem happened yesterday that plain old should not have happened. I have had plans for ages to replace a system that we know sucks. It is kind of an important system. The reason it hasn’t been worked on is, the current system sucks but it does sort of work. To evaluate a replacement will take total concentration for days. I don’t have that kind of time, so it gets put off to the side. If I decide to focus all my time on that, nothing else would get worked on. Their is no good answer.
Everyone I work with is frustrated with similar issues. We just have way to much to do. I cannot quantify what we do, so we cannot show that we are under staffed. I have been trying to get a program in place so we can track how much time it takes to do our jobs. it keeps getting put on hold, since it is “not a priority” to others. Not sure how I can get things done for others when we can not be efficient internally?
I want a solution. I am willing to work to a solution. I don’t want to act like a pain in the ass all the time. I don’t like feeling this way. I just have no idea how to fix the problem, unless something gives.
I have been hoping for a day off to just rest. Unfortunately I have been traveling for the past week. I don’t have the time to take a day since I have only been in the office twice in a week. That leaves Jayson all alone to do the work of 3 people. he is also strung out because of it. I can see it. I keep telling myself a day off will make me relax a bit. I am not sure if that is true, but I like to keep telling myself that. This week I wont have a chance to take off either. 2 days I am away, and I have to catch up from last week.
This post is not a bitch session. I am trying to express my thoughts. That was what this site was for. I don’t want to walk on egg shells since people are reading this. Nothing written here was intended to be an attach on anyone, or complaining. Just writing what I am thinking, since it is midnight and sleep wont come. Tomorrow will be a horrible day. Can’t discuss it now, but it will be a bad day. I can tell already. That is never good.
I want one good day. A day where things go right. People do what they are asked, and I am able to accomplish what I set out to do before I leave for work. Is that allot to ask for? Wow, I sound depressed. It is weird. I guess I am depressed. I love what I am doing, but not the way I am doing it right now. I just want work to be fun again. The weird thing is that my personal live isn’t awesome (no girlfriend), but it is not bad either. I am having fun outside of work. But I am just down about all the issues written above. I am looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. I haven’t seen it yet, but I hope it is somewhere nearby…
