Day: 11 September 2004

September 11

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It is September 11. Of course you can’t forget that. Everyone is trying to remember what happened. I think we should remember all who died on that day, but sometimes I try not to remember the actual day. Maybe it is different for those who don’t live in NYC, or for those who didn’t watch everything in person. I was a very safe distance from everything, but we had a great view from our office window. Man it was a good view of southern manhattan. The one time you didn’t really want a view. Dam, a quick mention of the importance of today, and I am now thinking all about that day. I remember most of it in detail. People are right when they say you don’t forget what you were doing when something major happens. I don’t remember my morning commute or what I was doing before I heard a plane hit, but I remember everything from after breakfast on from that fateful day. Like I said, sometimes I don’t want to remember that well.

My two cents. I know I won’t forget anytime soon. In many ways that is a good thing, and a bad one. Maybe today being 9/11 is partly related to my lack of sleep. I know I couldn’t sleep for most of September 2001 either. I remember my dad was worried then. Hopefully I am just reading too much into the situation. Either way I just read a bit about some memorials that happened on MSNBC, and I got a bit upset. I will try sleeping now. Hopefully it will be a peaceful sleep. Tomorrow is another (hopefully better) day.

EMT Class, Well Maybe

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This week Jayson and I decided to research where EMT (Emergency Medical Technician) class’s are given in NYC. I want to get re-certified, and Jayson always wanted to take a class. While I was in an endless meeting yesterday Jay found the only place that is still taking applicants for the class. it is in Queens but right off the subway. It will cost some $$, but if we go and pay an application fee (rip off in my opinion) and sit for a comprehension test and an interview we might get in the class.

All these hoops to get into an EMT class is funny to me. I haven’t been on a call as an EMT in a while, but I was one for 6 years plus like 1 or 2 years as a CFR. I taught (as a practical skills instructor) in my last EMT class. I don’t know what they want out of an interview, but if I don’t get into the class, I don’t know who they will be having in the dam thing.

This is something that I have wanted to do for a while, so I hope we get into the class. it will be 3 nights a week. Which seems like allot since both other EMT classes and my CFR class was twice a week for like 3 hours each night. I am willing to put in the time. I just want the certification again. As crazy as volunteering as an EMT was, I enjoyed it. More news next week.

Self Fulfilling Prophecies

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I was all set to go to Baltimore & DC this weekend with a bunch of friends. That was until I got up this morning. Well it wasn’t really getting up. My alarm went off, but since I wasn’t able to sleep it doesn’t count as getting up. that was the problem. I haven’t been able to sleep allot recently. As a bit of background information I get migraine headaches. I usually get them from eye strain or lack of sleep. That brings me to this morning and me not sleeping. I got out of bed and I already had a head ache. That happens sometimes, so I decided to go through my normal routine. A shower and something to drink usually can clear my head enough that I am fine. Well today it didn’t. This caused me a dilemma. Do I try to take some medication and hope for the best on a 4 hour car drive away from home, or do I cancel my plans? Waking up feeling like a full blown migraine is about to start does not set the stage for a perfect day. A long car drive and then sitting in the sun at a baseball game also is not the perfect situation for a migraine. I decided to not go on my trip. I was too worried to take the chance, and be that far from home with an impending migraine on my hands.

The scenario I just pictured happened today, but it is also part of one of my worst fears. To be away from home, or not able to stop and rest and handle a full blown migraine is a fear that I live with. Whenever make plans I worry that something like that will happen. Was this time a self fulfilling prophecy? I don’t think so, but it gets me wondering. I have lived through this fear before, so to me it is very real. When given the chance I won’t (and didn’t) take the risk of venturing out when I was not feeling 100%. It pisses me off. It probably pisses my friends off also, but I need to take care of myself.

Instead of venturing off to DC, I crawled back into bed and waited for what felt like (and probably was) hours till sleep came to me. I originally got up around 5:30AM. I crawled back to bed around 6:30. I don’t know when I actually slept. I just remember I got out of bed and got dressed probably around 3PM today. I didn’t venture outside until 4PM or so. I went on some quick errands and headed home. I was tired after that.

Now of course I am wide awake. It feels like my entire sleep schedule is reversed. I can’t sleep at night, but I am so tired during the day. When I called to tell Jayson I was bailing out of the trip he said I should take something to help me sleep. I only do that when I have a cold. I don’t want to get used to or addicted on some sleeping aide. But tonight I might take the plunge and try something. I just want a good night sleep. My dad will attribute the lack of sleep to stress. I tell him, yeah so. I need to find a way to deal with work stress better. It is the only thing that I can think of that is causing this.

On the bright side because of the extra nap I eked out this morning the full migraine I was afraid of never came to pass. Would it have happened if I had gone on the trip? My personal history tells me tha there was a good chance. Am I upset I missed the fun? Of course I am. Will I get shit from everyone from bailing out? Of course. I already got a voice mail from Gus, and 3 SMS messages from people. All I can say is what I said to Dari, “I don’t wish this on anyone”.

I am going to write a bit more, and then I will try sleeping again…